What is this pain?

I got another think-too-much-but-can't-write syndrome.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong about this world... Is it something about me that makes the individual so hated and lost, or is it the Earth that constantly cries out, but Man doesn't listen, let alone help? Like people are always wasting - water, food, electricity, money - while very much nearby neighbours like rural China and central Africa are deprived of such things.

Not only the peripherals and tangibles, what about the intangibles like health and spirituality? Is it inclusive to these areas? I don't think so. This is a worldwide apathy.

Many can be aware, as movements and organizations thrive and live on such things, but still conditions are at most alleviated, not healed. I feel their pain and it torments me every second I survive, and all I have been doing is to shut out as much as I can as far. But what can I do of such large scale problems? I cannot offer good solutions, so long as all people continue to pollute their lives in a self-constructed, comfortable blanket of security in their own minds. Very recently I observed that the people around me did not take the effort to finish what they took - be it basic needs like water and food. Just so that it was provided for, did that mean that as a individual responsible for self and the people around you, there can be such a callous wastage of a "small thing" like food? Or am I blowing things up too much when I see a global food shortage, price increases, hoarding happening around me, when I know these have happened due to a collective mindset and actions of such things.

Still, everyone can continue in their own bubble, carry on.

I can only think so much because I'm a sick child. Only when things get wild, do we realise that the wild was long gone. I can only pray that this post was emo, but I don't think so :(

Yet, angry I am. Many things are shrouded within me, but maybe another day, because I need the rest.

Next week P.O.P., but I feel like R.I.P.. Happy things have happened, yet joy I do not have, because the future for me is screwed up, like my uni applications, my sickness now, my next five years of commitment is also under hot soup. I just hope that life would make it worthwhile, while I still am able and can.