Seriously dementia

Haiz... obtained a new low today. I guess this is one of the days when i really hate myself. Send myself some HATE mail. *Racks*

Sorry if this is so monotone... just have to get it off my chest or i''l be EMO and CRAzY.

Had a mostly peaceful sleep in the computer room last night, then a loud whack (Bam!) woke me up. Yea, wells, i wasn't supposed to be in the room and it was already 12+ after i did most of my homework. Just sleeping. The loud bang was the home pc being DESTROYED by a golf club, an iron. The stick broke against the reliable CPU but made a big dent on it. Me, blurry eyed, was just looking at the angry person doing the atrocity.

He hadn't had enough. Because i was still half asleep, he just went ahead and gave another whack... but this time at my pencil case. The slow me was finally managing to wake up and i thought that I was being disturbed for really s***ake this time. Pardon me of my language.

I'm really confused now... What in the world have i been doing all this time to get this at this unearthly time? I have been taking the baby steps to improve my self academically - or being the mugger that a good student is supposed to achieve for this education system. And sorry to say, i like studying. It is a theortical concept that shields us from the true horrors of the outside world. But a violent act really unsettled me. It is not fear that drives this insecurity... and am not one of fear like that. Even the pc being removed from me did not affect me so much. But what is really strange is that psycologically, I am not fine now.


In the end, I was cold, and my dreams were replaced by the demons that I thought i had chased away for good since rac and god helped to curb them. I guessed the second time would come, but not so soon as before I'm heading for National Service. I won't be able to sleep properly again =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

And happiness would be foreign to me in my suffering.

So I was pretty much late for school today... my 2nd time in which I could have avoided from retrospect. Perhaps the time is ripe to start coming at around 7 am to school to prevent this from ever happening again. I'm not hitting the goals that i have set for myself. Felt the need to run to manage the cold in my body and I did during the break in the early morning although it was drizzling. Felt slightly better at the maths lecture after that, but I hope I can keep at it through the day.

Coming up would be the 2 hours GP lecture. God help me do my best and not give up.

Guess the prediction on my msn came true huh? "I'm crying but my shoulder feels cold..."
I'm scared but i can't see the source of the unexplainable barrier I MUST OVERCOME.

For everyone that knows me, because I might be changed for the worst. Please... I Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

Its fridays again!

crap... crap...crap!

I got to bulk and buck up soon... X-country is on 2 feb and my stamina simply put is sucky. Not to mention is that it is some sad place like bishan park... just shows that the school is so resource pulled. The only good thing I can think about is the convience to my house (no need to take bus home, just walking rox!)

Laterz gg back to alma mater. With some of the class peeps. Maybe later I can see if I can post some interesting pictures here.


Gotta go rush!

hiatus dorinxum

Lessons ended quite early today... So I managed to squeeze out some time to blog after doing lotsa things (but not necessarily work). So here are some of the things i did:

1. went to the angmokio ntuc fairprice xtra
...to check it out with some classmates cos they wanted to go there to check it out too. Must as well make it a class affair. They bought some tibits and sushi, and then chows to our own directions.

2. made myself wetter
the rain din stop from school to the hypermart and i finally gave up. So the result was that i got almost everything soaked. My shoes, socks, pants, jacket, etc. and what was better that i still went back to my alma mater in that condition. Strange though, was that my irritating cough for the past few daes got better after i dried off =)

3. went to say 'hi' to cat high
... at a random time again. Went to choing for the canteen food to see if my fav aunties and uncles have changed a not (In which thankfully none retired as yet). Nevertheless, all who saw me were pleasantly surprised to see pOoH amble around soaking in the old school atmosphere. Pity that some important pieces were missing from the puzzle that made the original piece so beautiful. Media will never be the same without the hairy chemist, and english without the shalalabala, to name but a few. Bon voyage to whatevr their future plans may be, honorable senseis. May God bless all and guide them with his wisdom.

I have new homework to strive into after this short update on my hunny-filling life. It is unfortunately a compulsory thing to see things in front of you and not bang head-first into them. An obvious example would be the coming a levels 07. Thus, I will have to improve on my contesting subjects an attain a higher level of competancy.

Oh yeah, and i added a few class photos into my friendster to top up on more peeps who know me or want to know me better. I'm not like crazy others who put up the max of 50 to let peeps take too much time to see who they are and what they have been doing, but evntually i may have to hit that number. How hypocritic... so somebody stop me before i go overboard!

Seb out.

PS.Sebastian REALLY looks so cHuBbY now! heez =D